Caffeine, Drizzle, and Repeat

Sebenernya, ditulis untuk tugas bahasa Inggris.

Kerjainnya kilat (pake banget).

Jadi, kalau nggak memuaskan.....

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                This evening should be the same as usual. Frankly speaking, it wasn’t my first time sitting in front of him, whose eyes’ color had mesmerized me all this long, but even after spending time together quite often, I never knew what the precise color of his eyes was.

            I was afraid. I was so terrified that I didn’t dare to look up. Whenever my gaze met his, I lowered my head so that I didn’t have to look at his face—his eyes, in particular. That was why my eyes were fixed only at the black coffee which was placed on the table. But since today was drizzling, it was slightly different. Unlike other days, it was hazy and cold outside, so we decided to sit by the café window. The drizzle dropped on a window pane as I observed the density of the heavens. It felt familiar, although it wasn’t very enjoyable.

            “Sim, are you listening?”

            There had been a question that had always lingered on my mind. Why did the most popular guy and smartest student in school even bother to spend time for such a boring and awkward conversation with me? In fact, I had never been either the most popular or the smartest or the prettiest in school.

I was here for a mere fate twist that made me attend the same English courses every Tuesday and Friday with Agra. Despite the silent he encountered whenever we were together, he always asked me to go to the nearby café only to wait for my father to pick me up.

“Yes, yes. Did I miss anything?”

“I just asked whether you like the rain or not.”

I shook my head indistinctly, still staring at my caffeine fix for today.

“That’s bad. Considering how drought in several countries in the world has driven its inhabitant suffer, why don’t you like rain? It is like magic for some people.”

“It is because rain falls unpredictably here. I hate it when I bring neither an umbrella nor a jacket with me and suddenly it rains heavily. If only it could be more predictable, I might have liked it, but it wasn’t. Even the forecast could tell us inaccurate prediction.”

“So you dislike an unpredictable moment, Sim?”

My head was spinning. As the result of it, I reached a blurred end—the end that I despise the most. I answered huskily. “No. I never liked it.”A single tear dropped as I fought back the urge to cry. It was déjà vu. He ever asked me the same question and as hard as I tried to hide my tears, it eventually went down as it had been written earlier. Now I realized something. I had never hated the rain as much as I did now. I cried and as the sky went darker than ever, Agra touched my cheek gently, “Why are you crying, Sima?”

I was crying because it hurt, Gra—because I know what would happen after this, but I had no power to fix it. His eyes were so beautiful, so insistent, and I learned that his eyes were dark brown, instead of charcoaled black, but minutes after this, I wouldn’t be able to recognize his eyes anymore—I wouldn’t be able to remember anything about him.

“Do you want to be my girlfriend?”

Agra’s voice was soothing and tender. He ever asked me that question too, and the first time I heard it, I was stunned. As I mouthed the word ‘Yes’, I realized that the past could not be rewritten. It would happen the way it was, because even though I tried to speak a little bit louder, Agra could not hear my voice as if there were an unbreakable thin glass separating us. I knew I should have said ‘yes’ back then, but I could not think clearly at the moment and I decided to leave immediately. Now even if I screamed it in front of him, the only thing that Agra was going to hear was a rejection and he would still went after the thin air to repeat his fate.

Agra stood up all of sudden and ran downstairs. If this were the first time I saw it, I would have run after him so that he wouldn’t hit that blurred end, but today was the umpteenth time I did this—sitting by the window café when it started to rain to find the shadow of Agra accompanying me. I shifted my gaze to the right only to see that unfortunate event and as much as I despised that view, I knew I despised myself the most for being an idiot.

Agra died in a car accident. From the second floor of the café, I kept observing the younger version of me ran in the middle of the rain, followed by Agra from behind. She heard nothing, but when she had reached the pavement, she looked back. Her eyes widened when she saw Agra lying in a pool of blood on the street. She tried to stop it, but his head wouldn’t stop bleeding. I saw her scooping his head and hugging him vigorously until his last breath. However, he eventually died in that scene—in my arm.

And suddenly, I lost everything in mind.

I forgot that his eyes were dark brown instead of black. I forgot that rain was the last time when I was able to see him breathing, laughing, or banging his head to the song that he just downloaded. I forgot that Agra ever liked me and he did not know that I also did. I forgot that I should hate the rain because that was when he was taken away. I forgot that I was the reason why he died. I forgot everything so that I could miss the rain despite the fact that it was painful to be reminisced; so that I could remember everything one more time when it started to rain without abhorring it.

“Sima, you don’t need to come here every time the rain falls. Whenever you call my name, I will be there. That’s a promise.”Agra smiled and his image disappeared as the rain stopped. I was crying in silence.

“I will always find you, Agra.”

At moment like this, I was upset because I spent too much time living in past, but living the present without him was rather resentful. So on rainy days, I would come back to the café and sit at where we used to sit at. I would find Agra in front of me, telling stories that I already knew, yet I tried to forget so that I had a reason to be back.

That was the time when I believed in magic the most.

And that was the time when I wished I could stay with him in eternity.