New Story?

I used to say this a lot :
I write to be delighted.
But nowadays the time when I find myself at my very consciously happy state is when I do a retail therapy.
It can be anything.
Online shopping. Buying unnecessary clothes. Makeup (ofc).
It's kind of fascinating to know that I do really change as an individual.
I used to spend a lot of time writing, but now?
Not anymore

But there's something I also just realized recently,
I don't write to be delighted anymore because it feels impossible for having time to do so.
But I know I'm just reasoning with my self. In fact, no person is too busy for anything, for anyone.
It's all about priority. You can always choose to receive the call from your parents, your lovers, no matter how busy you are, even though you will talk only in one or two minutes, saying "Sorry, I've been very busy lately. I think I can be on the phone only for a while."

And to me writing is an essential journey of my life, that helps me grow, that makes me think, that makes me curious to know more.
I don't always keep my promise. But I will try to write again from now on, for my own happiness, or even my sanity.
So here it is, I present you a new poem I just wrote two days ago. If anything, I really wish that I could finish this story.


Sayang, padamu kutitipkan asa. Padamu ada cinta.
Hebatnya, kupertaruhkan semuanya itu untukmu.
Hingga sisa bagiku hanyalah kekosongan yang membuatku senang setiap kulihat keutuhanku masih tercermin utuh jelas pada dirimi.

Lalu kau pergi begitu saja.
Sama pula membawa seluruh cinta dan asa,
yang telah kubiarkan padamu dengan cuma-cuma.

Lalu akan jadi apa aku?
Seonggok kehampaan tak berguna sampai aku menemukan lagi kepingan diriku?

Harusnya kusadar.
Manusia bukanlah pelengkap keutuhan.
Mereka hanyalah nyawa yang lalu lalang untuk jadi pelajaran 
atau syukur-syukur, jadi teman hidup yang sesungguhnya.
Namun apa pun itu, keutuhan diri seharusnya tidak kubagi-bagi pada pribadi lain.
Keutuhan ada padaku.

Maka aku janji.
Aku juga akan pergi,
Aku akan menjalani hidupku dengan utuh tanpa mencari-cari lagi orang yang akan melengkapiku.
Jadi, kau, Sayangku, akan menjadi orang terakhir yang menyimpan
 fragmen keutuhanku, memoriku, mimpiku.

Sekarang, aku utuh.
Terimakasih.